Category: Art

ARTBOLLOCKS THEATRE: OSCILLATING

ARTBOLLOCKS THEATRE: OSCILLATING

CAREER SUICIDE

AGArtBTheatreWelcome to a new regular feature in which I’ll be giving dramatic readings of the worst artist statements, gallery press releases and art criticism I’ve had the misfortune to encounter. Some of them have already been featured on this site; others are based on tip-offs and reports from colleagues or readers.

Episode 1 is OSCILLATING, which means moving or swinging back and forth in a regular rhythm, or varying in magnitude or position in a regular manner about a central point. An example of an oscillation is shown here for the reference of any art writers who still think it means “I’m afraid I can’t describe what the hell this person’s art is meant to be about or represent”. The animation shows an undamped spring–mass oscillatory system, if for some weird reason any engineering aficionados are reading this.

Simple_harmonic_oscillator

Nor does “oscillate” mean “I work in more than one medium/take part in different activities at different times”. “Oscillating” doesn’t mean “oh, it’s complicated”, and it doesn’t allow you to connect without…

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Commercial interlude

Commercial interlude

ADOXOBLOG

Normal nonsense will be resumed shortly, and if you’re on the front page you can scroll down to see the newest posts as normal. In common with most bloggers I do this in my free time with no great expectations because I enjoy it and because I relish the knowledge that thousands of people share my interest in the things that I post, and probably also because I’m a bit of an attention whore. As many of you probably do, I use an ad blocker and I tend to switch right off when people try to sell me stuff or talk to me about my responsibilities, so I understand that some of you might not want to hear this little lecture from me.

Also in common with most bloggers I have to make a living and I rarely make any money from blogging, although in my case one of my…

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COME TO DADA

COME TO DADA

CAREER SUICIDE

I’ve been helping several correspondents do detective work on some artist farming businesses who’ve tried to pick them up recently. My definition of artist farming is taking money from artists for vaguely defined services or for promises of success or sales that are deceptive and otherwise not as advertised. These schemes and businesses promise a lot but usually achieve little or nothing positive for the artist; they may indeed damage an artist’s credibility and their prospects of being taken seriously. They certainly don’t have the interests of artists or art buyers at heart in any way. All they care about is milking as many naive marks as possible. In Britain the same little pack of bandits seems to have about 90% of the artist farming business sewn up, they’re all friends with each other and they all co-validate each other’s lies and puffed-up CVs, linking to each other with bogus endorsements…

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THE PARTS THAT READERS TEND TO SKIP

THE PARTS THAT READERS TEND TO SKIP

CAREER SUICIDE

“I’m sure many readers already have in mind certain art texts that may be made up of technically correct English words and sentences, but ultimately can’t be processed by the reader into anything resembling a rational argument. You may immediately recall particular writers about art who seem to be going for the high score in a game of Scrabble instead of communicating ideas.”

I wrote this for Interpretation Matters, my colleague Dany Louise’s new research and learning project on the good, the bad and the ugly of writing about art. Regular readers of this blog will already know it’s a subject close to my black heart.

http://interpretationmatters.com/?page_id=14

Read some examples of the bad and the ugly here on this blog, under headings like

http://careersuicideblog.wordpress.com/tag/english-lesson/

http://careersuicideblog.wordpress.com/tag/artist-statements/

http://careersuicideblog.wordpress.com/tag/art-speak-2/

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LET THEM EAT BUILDINGS

LET THEM EAT BUILDINGS

CAREER SUICIDE

I bet you wish you could get half a million quid in grants because you need a new bathroom, your garden needs doing, you’d like “state of the art lighting”, or you have “inadequate foyer facilities.” As similar as this may sound to the recent scandal of British MPs and their expense claims for absurd items like duck houses while some of their constituents can’t even find homes fit for human habitation (and it is very similar, though not quite so scandalous), it’s actually Arts Council England’s capital grants scheme for organisations that are already in receipt of regular, long term funding.

MissPiggyAntoinette

I’ve sometimes had to escalate to just a hair’s breadth away from taking galleries or arts organisations to court in order to extract a few hundred pounds that they owe me; and this is a situation where I’m supposed to be paid and they agree that I should…

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