Tag: pay to play galleries

F-ART

F-ART

CAREER SUICIDE

Spam_wallI love receiving unsolicited enticements to spend £28 a year for an online portfolio site that has no professional standing or provenance and looks like crap. Even better when it’s written in pidgin English by a company apparently based in London. Better still when I’ve asked them to unsubscribe me at least three times. I’m not sure if “Robert” really exists or if he really has a literacy age of eleven, so for now it suffices to say that there’s often a very good reason for unsolicited communications seeming like the work of a simpleton. Won’t you join me as I tally all the grammatical mistakes and logical errors in this one short piece of marketing?

Hello alistair gentry

Thanks to all participants we are now able to offer a professional portfolio and there are no more application’s fees to participate in all our selections.

I can’t really process…

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OMG, SRSLY?

OMG, SRSLY?

CAREER SUICIDE

OK you guys, I’m sorry but I may not be writing this blog for much longer because OMFG CAN’T BREATHE I’ve just been spotted by a talent scout! YO I GOT A GOLD LINK BITCHES. I’m getting exposure from just thinking about it…

TalentScoutsOnly joking, everybody. My real response was this: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ah, ah… ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

(CONTINUES)

*Taken to minor injuries unit, sedated and given oxygen*

(TWO HOURS LATER)

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ABSURDITY: A FEATURE, NOT A BUG

ABSURDITY: A FEATURE, NOT A BUG

CAREER SUICIDE

Spam_wall

“Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”

Stephen Leacock, The Perfect Salesman, in The Garden of Folly (1924).

Readers who’ve been interested in some of the resistance by artists to certain vanity art businesses and finishing schools (a great analogy pointed out by Gillian McIver) and the subsequent angry push back from them may still be wondering why anybody would have anything to do with them when their publicity material is so obviously daft and amateur, when there is no credible evidence whatsoever that they benefit the artists who pay them, when the people who run them seemingly can’t say or do anything without showing themselves up as not quite the full shilling or as obvious charlatans, and when no artist or professional in any credible sector of the arts has a good word to say for…

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THE PARALLAX VIEW

CAREER SUICIDE

Chris Barlow of Parallax Art Fair has written to me in response to my recent coverage of his venture. I’m also posting my response to him.

Dear Alistair,

I hope you are well and in good health.

I rarely read forums, but I noticed last evening that you have a blog post mentioning [REDACTED]. I’m writing to request that you consider removing reference to her in your blog. She is a likeable and hardworking person. I appeal to you out of consideration for a young person who may become disconsolate. Removing her name won’t alter your narrative which is geared mainly to attacking Parallax and me personally. The Linkedin backlink will still be there to draw readers to your blog too.

Having read your posts and other writings across your website in general, you do come across as someone who has clearly been hurt in the past and is…

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PARALLAX, EMPHASIS ON THE LAX

PARALLAX, EMPHASIS ON THE LAX

CAREER SUICIDE

BullshitQ: What do you get from Parallax Art Fair (sic) two months after your last request that they remove you from their mailing list and never contact you again under any circumstances because you will never be interested in what they’re offering, not to mention being implacably opposed to everything they do and stand for?

A: An almost identical email, of course! All that changed was the deadline for the submission of my all-important work samples. In their email of 12th November 2013 it was 6th December, while in the more recent email the deadline has mysteriously moved to 31st January.

Dear Alistair,

I am the director who oversees the largest artist art fair in Europe called Parallax Art Fair. I would like to know if an exhibiting opportunity at the ninth edition of the fair might interest you as an artist. I hope you don’t mind, I…

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NEW YEAR, SAME MISERABLE BASTARD

NEW YEAR, SAME MISERABLE BASTARD

CAREER SUICIDE

This year the WordPress annual blog report has expressed viewing figures via the rather peculiar metric of “sold out performances at Sydney Opera House”, which I apparently did eleven times in 2013. Whatever I was performing there, it must have been rocking.

I’ll be doing some proper posts again in the new year, and also recording some more Artbollocks Theatre readings. In the meantime:

You can read my tip*, one of the top five of 2013 for Culture Pros in The Guardian.Spoiler: “pro” isn’t short for prostitute, but you do still need to pay us… somebody else’s top tip is to use cat, owl or bird hashtags so look forward to plenty of those in 2014.

Derren Brown is also mentioned. Don’t worry about it, just accept it.

* NB: Not a euphemism.

  • If you’re in the UK and you’re a blogger, a journalist, a commentator of any…

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“I CHOKED ON MY LOAD”

“I CHOKED ON MY LOAD”

CAREER SUICIDE

IMG_6858Those of you who are interested in the antics of “top tastemakers” Debut Contemporary should visit Charlie Tuesday Gates and read about her CON ARTIST demonstration/infiltration at their Christmas party. She’s brave (and firmly within the law– she very shrewdly checked with the police first!), righteously angry, funny, and among other things you will learn:

  • About Debut’s “CEO” [sic] Samir Ceric and his failed “airline” that wasn’t really. According to company records at Duedil.com he is 39 years old and has TWENTY-THREE known defunct businesses behind him. Therefore if they were spread out evenly throughout every year of his adult life this would amount to at least one defunct business for every single year since 1992. He retired from only three, i.e. in only three cases does it appear the company outlived his involvement. The closed companies include two (Globace Ltd, and the interestingly named Salon Gallery…

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DISINFORMATION CATALOGUE

DISINFORMATION CATALOGUE

CAREER SUICIDE

DC1

DO YOU LIKE EVENING CLASSES, TATLER, WILD CLAIMS, SPENDING MONEY AND BEING TREATED LIKE A BATTERY CHICKEN? IT’S YOUR LUCKY DAY

Thanks to several informants (who didn’t know about any of the other people who simultaneously tipped me off) I’ve become aware that my dear old friends, the vanity artist farmers Debut Contemporary, have been trawling for fat new wallets. Market Project is currently on hiatus and not being updated, but you can read my original article about Debut Contemporary there, plus hundreds of comments including damning– and in a few cases, somewhat heartbreaking if not harrowing– testimony from former clients of theirs. You can also read sock puppet comments from their cronies, and see documentation of failed attempts by these cronies to secretly defame me and my colleagues for criticising them.

I’ll get to Debut Con’s hilarious “information catalogue” for artists anon, but firstly here’s what was spammed…

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THE DUNNING-KRUGER EFFECT

THE DUNNING-KRUGER EFFECT

CAREER SUICIDE

In 1999 two researchers defined scientifically a phenomenon of cognitive bias that’s been well-known anecdotally for thousands of years: the truly incompetent have no idea how incompetent they really are, but they blunder on regardless. The original scientific paper puts it like this:

“People tend to hold overly favorable views of their abilities in many social and intellectual domains. The authors suggest that this overestimation occurs, in part, because people who are unskilled in these domains suffer a dual burden: Not only do these people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it. Across 4 studies, the authors found that participants scoring in the bottom quartile on tests of humor, grammar, and logic grossly overestimated their test performance and ability… Paradoxically, improving the skills of participants, and thus increasing their metacognitive competence, helped them recognize the limitations of their…

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ARTIST OPPORTUNITIES: PS

ARTIST OPPORTUNITIES: PS

CAREER SUICIDE

I know many of you have been reading and sharing Artist Opportunities May 2013, and hopefully you’ve been reflecting upon the tragic fact that I hardly needed to exaggerate in order to make my satirical point. I’m sure many of you encounter their real world counterparts very frequently. However, Gallerina Butthurt* writes to say: “It’s easy to mock, but I don’t think anything is achieved by attacking places that are under pressure already and try to help artists.”

Firstly, au contraire ma petite pomme de terre. It is easy to mock (and fun), but I hit close enough to the nerve that it gave you a guilty sad, didn’t it? Secondly, many of the outfits I have in my sights are doing anything but helping artists. They’re helping themselves to artists’ money. Many of them are just plain old nasty con artists and psychos.

But to help Ms. Butthurt…

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COME TO DADA

COME TO DADA

CAREER SUICIDE

I’ve been helping several correspondents do detective work on some artist farming businesses who’ve tried to pick them up recently. My definition of artist farming is taking money from artists for vaguely defined services or for promises of success or sales that are deceptive and otherwise not as advertised. These schemes and businesses promise a lot but usually achieve little or nothing positive for the artist; they may indeed damage an artist’s credibility and their prospects of being taken seriously. They certainly don’t have the interests of artists or art buyers at heart in any way. All they care about is milking as many naive marks as possible. In Britain the same little pack of bandits seems to have about 90% of the artist farming business sewn up, they’re all friends with each other and they all co-validate each other’s lies and puffed-up CVs, linking to each other with bogus endorsements…

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THE ORA… THE ORA…

THE ORA… THE ORA…

CAREER SUICIDE

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Ten international galleries want you, like a vampire bat wants sleeping cattle. Premio Ora (“Premium Hours”) says that the “basic registration fee required as partial coverage for organizational expenses” is €60 to enter three art works for consideration. Poor things, only covering their organisational expenses partially. Each additional image after the first three is only €5 and luckily for them you, it’s possible to enter an unlimited number of works.

Yes, it’s another sketchy “opportunity” for artists to enter a competition where they pay for the remote opportunity of possibly getting an unpaid gallery show, i.e. something that an artist should usually be paid for, or at the very least should not have to pay for in order to be considered. I’m providing links here for the purpose of verification; I wouldn’t suggest visiting any of them unless you want to know which international galleries are involved in this farrago…

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