Tag: art collectors

APPALLING DISCOVERY OF THE DAY: AMAZON ART

APPALLING DISCOVERY OF THE DAY: AMAZON ART

CAREER SUICIDE

gacy-pogo-the-clown

NO TALENT? NO PROBLEM!

I’ve illustrated this post with a clown painting that is definitely not from Amazon Art because it would be unfair to single out any one artist as an example of how bad the art [sic] section of Amazon is, due to the fact that all of the art on Amazon is totally shit. I’m sure hardly any of the artists on Amazon Art are serial killers, like Mr. John Wayne Gacy was, but his totally fucked up oeuvre is actually somewhat better and definitely no more disturbing than some of the efforts on sale via Amazon. For example, check out Impressionism… wait, what? These artists are doing the opposite of keeping Impressionism alive; they’re inviting Impressionism into their house and doing a John Wayne Gacy on it. I’m afraid it’s possible to spend upwards of $3o,000 on a painting from Amazon art. I…

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YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH ART THESE BASTARDS HAVE

YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH ART THESE BASTARDS HAVE

CAREER SUICIDE

artreview-power-100-2011

A listicle of famous art collectors, movers and shakers. See, I’m really getting the hang of this lazy journalism blogging clickbait type thing. Just string a bunch of clichés together, condescendingly pretend that the reader is a pal so we’re just hanging out shooting the shit, and Bob’s your uncle. Oops, there’s another one! I tried really hard, but unfortunately I couldn’t shoehorn anything funny and adorable about cats or pugs into this listicle. Sorry about that.

Buckfast001 IN ASSOCIATION WITH BUCKFAST TONIC WINE

MAO ZEDONG

One of China’s leading commissioners of art, and of disastrously ill-conceived social engineering enterprises that lead to the deaths of millions. Doh. We’ve all done it at least once, right ladies? So embarrassing. Also one of China’s leading destroyers of art, literature, families, teachers, revisionists and running dogs of capitalism, pots and pans, sparrows, etc. Iconoclastic!

longlifetochairmanmao

ADOLF HITLER

Having aggressively amassed a huge collection…

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“ART IS AN OBJECT WITH NO UTILITY”

“ART IS AN OBJECT WITH NO UTILITY”

CAREER SUICIDE

500Monopoly

Some more quotes from the book Collecting Contemporary Art, published by Taschen. All by Marcus Glimcher, at the time of the book’s publication an art dealer at PaceWildenstein, New York (now the Pace Gallery). It’s all interesting stuff, but there’s something about his explication and grammar that makes me think of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, patiently lecturing the back of a guest’s head as a preface to suddenly embedding a fire axe in it.

“The art market is not really a market; it’s too small to qualify as one. Furthermore, if it is a market, it’s a market of uniques. Therefore, there is no true comparability between prices. Finally, it’s a market of Geffen goods which is what gives it such strange characteristics. Geffen was a nineteenth century economist who said that there are certain goods that will disobey the basic laws of supply and demand that…

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YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MILLIONAIRE, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MILLIONAIRE, RIGHT?

CAREER SUICIDE

purple2 edit“Money is the opposite of art… Art is the expression of ideas– some of them very foresighted– of lofty ideals, of political insights, and of deep-felt emotions. As such, it should not be price-tagged.”

Baroness Marion Lambert the millionaire art collector from Geneva, who may well be right in this case but is apparently oblivious to irony and to cognitive dissonance. Maybe she just means she never has to bother looking at the price of anything. From the book Collecting Contemporary Art, published by Taschen.

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JUST DIE

JUST DIE

CAREER SUICIDE

Jean-Pierre Lehmann, New York art collector, describes a particularly annoying trait of contemporary artists:

“One of the problems artists today are going to face is that life, in general, is much longer than it used to be. You don’t have artists dying of tuberculosis or alcoholism when they are thirty-five or forty and leaving very interesting works– but very limited quantities, because their lives were limited. Now, most artists will probably live like everybody else until eighty, ninety or one hundred, and if they want to produce until the end, they’ll have problems, because their productive years will be much longer. Probably then you will see the difference between the good and the less good.”

If you’re an artist who just graduated you’d better get cracking on drinking yourself to death. If you’re over forty, ugh, why are you even still alive? The first of a few choice quotes from…

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A PLAYFUL POST ABOUT CHARLES SAATCHI

A PLAYFUL POST ABOUT CHARLES SAATCHI

CAREER SUICIDE

HandsOfOrlacRecently Charles Saatchi– multimillionaire art collector, YBA grandee, head of doublespeak and propaganda for Margaret Thatcher’s election to Prime Minister– was photographed in public with his hands around the neck of his wife, Nigella Lawson. (Original pictures here if you don’t know or can’t imagine what domestic violence, physical bullying and spousal abuse looks like).

His absurd explanation cements my view of what a nasty piece of work he’s always been.

“About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point.

“There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.”

If he believes in this explanation, he’s truly psychotic. Such…

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I DOUBT SHE CAN EVEN SPELL “PHILANTHROPY”

I DOUBT SHE CAN EVEN SPELL “PHILANTHROPY”

CAREER SUICIDE

Hello darlings, mwah mwah mwah, thank you so much for coming– I thought you were still in Dubai for the arms fair! Art collector and spender of her husband’s dirty money Anita Zabludowicz (see Apotheosis of the idiot) has excelled herself recently with her Art Diary [sic] about a trip to India. Never has an art diary had so little to do with either art or diaries. Or a basic level of literacy, empathy and emotional fluency. Apparently it makes her sad that the poor people in India don’t smile. Cheer up, bastards. She needn’t get on her high horse, anyway. I’ve never seen a photo of her– and she has herself photographed constantly– where her face even seemed physiologically capable of smiling. She also says:

“The locals could not do enough for us, they only wanted to please us and this was their…

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