Artbollocks Theatre is my weekly dramatic reading series in which I perform the worst artist statements, gallery press releases and art criticism. Some of them have already been featured on this site; others are based on tip-offs and reports from colleagues or readers. This one has been featured on the blog previously. Here’s my original commentary on it: Art F-All.

“You know Adrian Heathfield. Of course you do. He’s, er… the man who said contemporary performance has shifted from the optic to the haptic. Which is a shame, really, because I’d much rather see a performance than have to wait in a long queue to feel the performer. I’d like somebody to explain to me how one engages an audience corporeally; does this just mean grabbing or groping them?”

Read the rest here. Previous episodes: Oscillating – Pschogeography – Noesis